You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
