so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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