He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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