I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
