Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
