For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
