Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Four minutes until I can fart!
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.