last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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