I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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