if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I think I sprained my soul last night
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
