so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
