I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
