Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
