You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
