I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
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Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
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It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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