bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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