yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
