he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
