sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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