My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
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As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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