My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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