i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
