I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize