She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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