You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
