bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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