He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Randomize
