It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
