sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize