the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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