did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
