Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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