Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
