shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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