I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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