still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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