omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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