That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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