we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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