His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
