This is not my ceiling
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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