my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
