this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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