If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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