you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize