Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
