did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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