There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
