the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
