every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
