peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize