Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Come share oat with me in your robe
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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