So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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