I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
