piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
We got so high we made milksteak
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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