upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
