A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
