that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
