just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just forgot I was standing up.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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