My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
