I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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