No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
